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My Fathers Clothes by ~101:icon101:



My Father's Clothes


the time bell rings...


...the joints of his leather jacket creak as he gets up
jeans with varicose veins don't walk as fast as they used to
but his trainers are on auto-pilot
they know this route so well

dark tonight
and his glasses are blurry
and these days more than a little jaundiced round the rims
but his socks are tired and sore
they want their bed

his t-shirt wheezes in the night air
it's lost all shape over the years
and it's stained
and it's ripped
and it's faded
and it's gone saggy round the waist
the way they do

his cap's going threadbare
thin on top
it's seen its share of rain
of sweat
of thoughts running riot within it never seeing daylight...


...later on the floor of his room
they all sleep where they fall
but too few hours later
that other bell rings
and they must get on and do their job again
©2003-2009 ~101
:icon101:

Author's Comments

An idea I've had kicking about for ages. Usually like to make poems more rhythmically structured than this, so I don't know if I like the way it's put together, but I guess it echoes his shambolic nature. Don't know what I want to do about punctuation, either. Does it need any more?

Also, I'm aware of the mistake in punctuation on the title. Apparently "The deviation title may only contain alphanumeric characters, which includes a-z, A-Z and 0-9, along with the dash and space characters," which precludes the use of apostrophes.


26/06/07 - Moved out of "scraps" as part of a spring clean. I really like it. For those of you who like a bit of biographical context with your poetry, he's worse than this now. He's not even the same man I remember.

Comments


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:iconfireflycatcher:
oh my...
nicely done...

splendid like a chocolate firecracker

la la la^_^zzz
:icon101:
I don't even know what a chocolate firecracker is, but I want one now...
:iconraguel:
I really like this Stooo.

I like it's shambolic structure. Don't punctuate, it doesn't need it.

I love the way all his clothes have become so much more. There's an inherent sadness here that I've heard from you only a few times. The image of weariness and hard work and loneliness even is really well done. I love the line about his socks wanting their bed.

The only bit that doesn't work for me is the tee-shirt stanza. That list in the middle there seems to halt the flow. I'd probably work on that a little.

But this is good. I really mean that. have a Hug
:icon101:
Fair point, but where would

"and it's gone saggy round the waist
the way they do"
be without the list? That's one of my fave lines...

Details

April 13, 2003
1.2 KB

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