My Father's Clothes
the time bell rings...
...the joints of his leather jacket creak as he gets up
jeans with varicose veins don't walk as fast as they used to
but his trainers are on auto-pilot
they know this route so well
dark tonight
and his glasses are blurry
and these days more than a little jaundiced round the rims
but his socks are tired and sore
they want their bed
his t-shirt wheezes in the night air
it's lost all shape over the years
and it's stained
and it's ripped
and it's faded
and it's gone saggy round the waist
the way they do
his cap's going threadbare
thin on top
it's seen its share of rain
of sweat
of thoughts running riot within it never seeing daylight...
...later on the floor of his room
they all sleep where they fall
but too few hours later
that other bell rings
and they must get on and do their job again













Comments
nicely done...
splendid like a chocolate firecracker
la la la^_^zzz
I like it's shambolic structure. Don't punctuate, it doesn't need it.
I love the way all his clothes have become so much more. There's an inherent sadness here that I've heard from you only a few times. The image of weariness and hard work and loneliness even is really well done. I love the line about his socks wanting their bed.
The only bit that doesn't work for me is the tee-shirt stanza. That list in the middle there seems to halt the flow. I'd probably work on that a little.
But this is good. I really mean that. have a
"and it's gone saggy round the waist
the way they do"
be without the list? That's one of my fave lines...
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